I can't hide the marks.

I told myself that I was going to do some writing today. But it seems that it's clearly not working. I woke up late, where my eye hurts, nose leaking and with a heavy heart. I've got so many things that I want to do but I've seem to have lost my motivation. Great. Lethargic. That's exactly what I'm feeling now.
I haven't written a decent song. I haven't written a decent chapter. It just seems that writing has left me. Creative juices have dried up but my tears haven't.
I miss the feel of the gardens and the night sky. I keep wanting to snuggle into bed to feel the warmth it offers. But even now I feel like running away from that.
It seems to be a problem that I've faced for far too long. I keep running away. Maybe it's the only way i know how to solve something. But I'm looking around me, thinking what is there to solve?
Claire? She ran away. She's never coming back.
Alot of people are running away from me. I can't help feeling that there's something wrong with me somewhere. Did I not treasure you enough? Or were my feelings too strong that I lost control? Or I just didn't know how to carry on when the past keeps coming back to haunt? I see you out of nowhere. I buried you deep in my head. I swore never to think about you that way again. I keep failing myself. I just keep failing.
The only way to make myself feel better is to go on a comfort food spree. So typical nessa, act now and think later. And then you regret it for as long as you live. Yes, right now, her regret is slowly killing her.
I miss late night talks. Until unearthly hours in the morning. I miss sleeping with a smile on a face. Waking up and feeling like life's worth living. Maybe I've just been lying to myself all these years and not know it. Right. I seem to be really good in doing that. It's hard to quit when you don't even know that it's there.
I'm off to do my hair later. If the appointment still holds. New hair colour means a new phase. Right, thats what I said for the haircut. Oh, that was to make myself feel better after some ex of mine had a real knack of making me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm happier without him. Who gives a shit if he has a bike. I'd rather someone who can drive.
Half the time, I have no idea what I was talking about.